busy

i'm a busy busy girl.
whoa whoa.
school today was long and dragy.
golf today was sucky.
once again,my swing is all messed up.
and i have to change it again.
due to the lack of practice.
sheesh.just when i was starting to get use to my swing,
now its changing again.
i just wasnt hitting right today.
inconsistent and distances were all short.
sigh sigh.


oh wells.
theres softball to look forward to tomorrow.
i need to do so much better.
training training.
coach please scold me if i do something wrong.
it doesnt feel right when coach doesnt scold.
on one hand, i dont want him to scold me,
but then again, sometimes i need the scolding.
theres so much more i need to learn.


wow.its only the 2nd day but somehow i feel so tired.
hmmm.
for now.
school, softball and golf is all that drives me.
i look forward to yet another day with so much faith that i can do better than the previous day but somehow i just get more and more disappointed.
seems it's true that expectations you set for yourself are so much more unachievable.
its the fact that you expect this much from yourself knowing that you can do it but somehow i fail most of the time.

real glory springs from the silent conquest of ourselves.

and that is what i want to feel.
to be able to have control of what i'm doing.
to do what i know i can do.
only then will i be happy.
yes!

ooh.and nationals is coming so so soon.
so exciting!!
theres still the all stars game this saturday.
hmmm.i still dont have any idea what its all about.
hmmm.and i have no idea why i am in the team.
sheesh, i'm not even good.
but then again. i cant wait to play outfield again.
and i cant wait for nationals.
we're gonna put up a hard fight.
go tp!!
we have a great team.
we have a fun team.
we're gonna have fun.
and as coach says, winning is a bonus.
woohoo.
thats a huge huge difference as compared to tk last time.
where our batch never actually lost a single game.
hmmm.niceness.
now its like playing without pressure.
oh but i work better under pressure, i think.
well, i dont know.
i broke down the last time i was under intense pressure.
not for o's though.
maybe that was why my results are sucky.
hahaha.
ahhh!!
i still cant wait for nationals.
today is the 21st.
i think it's gonna start on the 29th or the week after.
yay!!
whoa whoa.
every wednesday.
i'm feeling excited.
and i havent actually been to a single training with coach yet except the very very first one in january.
hahahaha.
and the coach-less one yesterday.
tomorrow it is.

oh and it feels terrible to not be able to speak.
hmmm.melly called me this morning and i had to reject her call.
i felt terrible.
oh crap.i want my voice back!!!!
i can only shout and whisper.
how rubbish-y.
and everything else just comes out with a horrible voice that is so soft and unpleasant.
its so blah to lose your voice.
and the throat hurts.
sheesh.
and the coughs sound so fake but i'm definitely not faking them.
i want my voice back now!!!
and i want so many other things.
which just keeps getting more and more impossible.
i'm losing hope.
oh wells.
cheers.

:)